When we go through times of transition we’re often left feeling inadequate and reaching outside of ourselves for validation instead of looking within. Today on the Self Love Breakfast Club, Deb from the Connectable Podcast joins us for a girlfriend chat on being enough. Deb shares the story of a friend of hers who is going through a tough time and is struggling with the uncertainty she faces. We discuss the six main needs people have, how the need for certainty varies from one person to the next, and why our tendency is always to grasp for external validation when going through difficult times. Deb opens up on how her mother’s death shifted her views on certainty. Tuning in, you’ll hear about how failure can actually be a gift, how helping someone through their troubles can be helpful to ourselves, and how through owning our own shit a true sense of sisterhood is possible. Later we chat about why we give love so freely to others but struggle to love ourselves, why we often feel behind in life when there is no timeline, and how if we just looked internally and realized what magical brilliant love-filled vessels we are, we would realize that we are all way more than just enough. For all this and more, tune in today!
Key Points From This Episode:
- Some background into Deb and Chrystal’s friendship.
- An introduction to today’s topic on being enough.
- Deb shares the story of her girlfriend who is in a place of transition and her need for certainty.
- How our tendency is usually to reach outside of ourselves for validation when things go wrong.
- Thoughts on failure and how it can be a gift.
- The six needs that people have and how the need for certainty varies from one person to the next.
- How Deb’s mother’s death shifted her belief system and her expectations of certainty.
- The concept of co-nourishment: How helping someone through their troubles can be helpful to ourselves.
- Thoughts on jealousy, competition, and the sister wound, and the importance of owning our shit.
- Chrystal’s peer group as a window of what is possible for a true sisterhood of women.
- The importance of looking internally when things go wrong and not grasping for external validation.
- Thoughts on why we give love so freely to others and then struggle to love ourselves.
- How we often feel like we’re behind when there is no timeline.
- Final thoughts on the fact that the only thing that you can be certain of is yourself.
“Sometimes we can look at that external shit as a gift. ‘Okay, I lost this job.’ Well, did you love it? Was it even right for you? Was it truly a failure if you weren’t happy?” — Chrystal Rose [09:29]
Shit happens, stand up on your own two feet, and you’ll be okay, and you’re going to learn from this. You can help people from it too.” — Deb McCollum [10:52]
“You know what’s really helpful? Talking to her, even though she seems to be the one struggling more, is that it helps me.” — Deb McCollum [14:04]
“It’s not about not caring, it’s not about keeping people at a distance, it’s about having that strong sense of self, that love, and that ‘I’ve got you’ to yourself, so when shit goes down, you don’t have to be looking around, like, ‘who the fuck has my back?’ You’ve got it!” — Chrystal Rose [21:55]
“Why is [love] so free for other people? You just give it away so freely and when it comes to yourself? You live in his body, [it] does everything for you, your brain comes up with magical strategies, your heart is full of so much love, and you can’t have love for this vessel?” — Chrystal Rose [25:00]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode: